


Adrift

by frostfalcon



Series: Adrift [1]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Bad BDSM Etiquette, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 17:12:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostfalcon/pseuds/frostfalcon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for LJ's Collar Kink round 4</p>
<p>Neal gets involved with a bad Dom, who ignores aftercare. Peter finds him after an intense scene and takes care of Neal himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adrift

**Author's Note:**

> This was posted without the preview because it's not letting me preview so if there are mistakes I didn't catch let me know, and I'm still without a beta so I'd appreciate a heads up so I can fix things....
> 
> 8/6/15 Not really updated, just cleaned up some grammar issues I noticed while reading it to get back into the feel of the story. I'm writing a sequel and needed to reconnect with the feeling of this one.  
> 7/8/17 - Working on part three and fixed more grammar and edited the tag to add the Bad BDSM Etiquette one.

Adrift

Neal knew what he needed, he just wasn’t sure how to go about making the right connection without leaving a trail that would intrigue Peter enough that he’d investigate and find the one part of Neal’s life that he had kept hidden so deeply that even Kate didn’t know and Mozzie only suspected. If he went to a club that catered to what he was looking for and Peter happened to pull up his tracking data and saw where he had been there would be questions. He thought about asking Mozzie to make a few discrete inquiries but that would mean telling him and Neal wasn’t sure if he was ready for that conversation.

He could try going online, there had to be some sort of forum that he could try and find the right partner. Sure, there were risks but with the right planning and a lot of communication before anything happened those could be mitigated. If nothing else checking things out online gave him a place to start. He opened up a new incognito window in Chrome and started his search. There were so many sites it was hard to weed through the ones that were mostly just for people hooking up and finally found one that looked like it had potential to not only be a place to find a partner but a place where he could discuss ideas and just about any aspect of the BDSM and Fetish lifestyle.

He created a profile and listed what he was into, what he was looking for, a brief bio and added a few pictures where his face was in shadow and he wasn’t totally naked but undressed enough to be alluring and show off his assets. When he was done and happy with the results he let it go “live” on the site and then he started looking at other profiles and got involved with some of the discussion boards. He even checked out the events page to see what the city had to offer and there was a lot going on in Manhattan it seemed. There was a party, munch, demo, or class going on almost every night and the variety of people and fetishes was really pretty astounding, he had thought he was kinky but he was pretty tame compared to some.

He started getting messages and friend requests within minutes of adding in his profile and he looked over the profiles of the people that had messaged him and responded to a few that looked like they had similar tastes. He had to find just the right combination of Dominant and caring if they were going to both get what they wanted from some play time. Neal was looking for mostly bondage and some mild spanking and sensation play, just enough to let loose and have someone else take charge for a while. He liked a little pain and with the right person he could really let go and get out of his mind and connect fully with his body for a while, live in the moment and just let himself feel without

having to analyze everything single thing. It was something he needed to do sometimes… a release and a way to re-ground himself in the moment, sort of like meditation. 

He looked over some of the messages and responded trying to be polite while getting a feel for the person as well as one can via a message board. He accepted a few friend requests and went to bed feeling like maybe he might just find someone with whom he could connect.

***

A few weeks went by and Neal had been chatting and messaging a few people and finally thought he’d gotten to know a couple well enough to meet for coffee and see if they had the right chemistry and were looking for the same things. The first man he met was nice enough and he was looking for the right sort of “play” but there wasn’t any chemistry between them and they both agreed it wasn’t going to happen. They finished their coffee and said goodbye. Neal was a bit disappointed but he was meeting someone that he’d been messaging and IM-ing that coming Friday evening to see if they connected. Jerry’s profile looked like he fit the bill, their conversations on line were fun and interesting, their interests seemed to mesh almost perfectly and the things that didn’t could be sorted out when the negotiated the scene if they got that far.

Friday finally arrived and Neal was excited, he almost felt like he was going on a first date and he realized that’s pretty much what it was. They were meeting for dinner, Jerry had insisted. Neal usually preferred something like going for coffee as a first meeting since a coffee date can be very quick if it’s not right or it can take hours if it is. Dinner keeps you there for an entire meal and if things aren’t working you just get stuck being polite and sticking it out until the end.

Jerry picked the restaurant and Neal thought it was a decent choice so he agreed, if it got too bad he could always excuse himself to the bathroom and arrange for Mozzie to call him with some sort of emergency. Having it all sorted out and plans in place Neal got dressed and left for dinner.

Things went well at dinner, Jerry turned out to be slightly taller than Neal with sandy blonde hair with eyes that were blue-gray. He was well groomed and very attentive as they felt each other out. They agreed to meet again the next week for coffee and to discuss what they both wanted from a scene if they decided to play together. Neal went back to June’s feeling like he might just be able to get what he needed and give Jerry what he needed at the same time, it seemed almost too easy.

He considered trying to get a bit more background on Jerry when he got home, it was better to be safer than find out later you made a bad choice. He would have to make do with what he could find out on line, as much as he wanted to have Jones run him through the system that wasn’t going to happen. He looked over Jerry’s friends list and read a few of his posts, no one had anything bad to say about him and all his discussion board posts seemed to be sane and in line with what they had talked about so date number two to go over details and negotiate the scene seemed like a go.

Neal was pretty excited and tried to relax enough to get to sleep, he wanted to do a little more looking around at Jerry’s posts and maybe go shopping in the morning. He couldn’t get to his stash of toys as he’d stored it outside of his radius, but usually the Dom provided his own. He did need to pick up a few things to keep in his overnight bag for when play was done. He made a list in his head trying to remember what he used to have with him, antibiotic ointment, Band-Aids because sometimes accidents did happen, arnica cream or gel for bruises and some Tiger Balm for muscle aches, it was good to be prepared. He also would need to set up something with Mozzie like a safe call or something similar, there was so much to do but it would be worth it. He got his thoughts in order and slipped into sleep dreaming of all sorts of things that he might get to experience.

***

Peter hadn’t expected the sight in front of him as he entered the hotel room Neal’s tracker had led him to. He usually didn’t arbitrarily use the tracker to find Neal, but he had an idea on their latest case that he wanted to run by him to see what he thought. When Neal’s phone went straight to voice mail and he hadn’t had a call back in a few hours he pulled the location of the anklet and saw it was at a pricey hotel and had been for quite a while.

He tried calling Neal again and called the hotel and asked them to ring Mr. Caffrey’s room, he was told that there was no Mr. Caffrey registered there. Peter felt like something was off, he couldn’t think of a reason why Neal would be in an expensive hotel and not registered in his own name unless he was with someone or he was doing something he shouldn’t be. Peter thought about it and tried Neal’s phone again and just like the past few hours is rang through to voice mail. He decided to try going to the hotel and seeing if this was something he should be worried about, if it was a date no big deal but if Neal was involved in something he shouldn’t be he wanted to get a handle on it before Neal got into trouble. Peter headed out to the to find his wayward CI.

He stopped at the front desk and asked again about Mr. Caffrey and they still had no record of him so he flashed his badge and a picture of Neal on his phone and the clerk at the counter recognized him. She said that he had come in with another man, tall and blond with a “dazzling smile” as she put it and that the blond had reserved the room. She didn’t know the name he used to check in as someone else had handled it but she did remember the blond leaving just about twenty or twenty-five minutes before Peter had arrived, she also noticed he left alone. Peter asked if she could find out what room he was booked into and with a smile of his own and a little fiddling with his badge she looked up which room it could be and then asked if she should call the police or if there was any danger. Peter assured her it was nothing and said he’d look into it. He asked her for a copy of the card key and she gave it to him feeling a bit pressured by the fact he was with the FBI and the desire to help out the law in any way possible, it was totally the wrong thing to do but Peter didn’t say anything as he accepted the card and headed up to the room J. Fontaine had rented for the night.

After knocking on the door several times and not hearing anything he was a lot more concerned than he had been, the sense of something being off that he was feeling was too much to ignore at this point so he slid the card into the slot and slowly opened the door. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the bed, or more accurately the figure on the bed. Neal was laying on top of the covers curled in on himself and shaking silently.

Peter had never seen Neal acting this way before. He took a few steps closer and really took in the sight and tried to process what his eyes were telling his brain.

Neal was nude, he was curled up in a ball, he was welted and bruised from his mid back to his knees, his inner thighs seemed to have been paid special “attention” and he was crying silently to himself and muttering something that Peter just couldn’t make out. Something was really wrong and he was pretty sure he was out of his depth but someone needed to do something and he was the only person there.

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge and tried to put a comforting hand on Neal’s shoulder. He was finally close enough to hear what Neal was saying. It sounded a bit broken by the silent tears and uneven breathing but he could clearly make out the “I’m sorry, I can do better” and the “please don’t just leave me”.

Not knowing the whole story Peter hand no clue what exactly happened to leave Neal in this state but he had an idea. He settled himself further on the bed and pulled Neal into his arms and held him while softly stroking him and telling him he wasn’t alone and he had done just fine. Neal’s breathing seemed to catch for a second and then evened out and slowly the tears stopped. Peter took a little time to look at Neal closely now that he had settled a bit and saw the reddish marks around his wrists and was pretty sure that something had gone on and that he needed to find out if it was consensual or if he had to hunt down this J. Fontaine person.

Neal looked up and saw that he was in Peter’s lap and he heard Peter telling him that he wasn’t alone and he had done just fine. He was pretty sure Peter had no clue what Neal had done but it seemed that he knew exactly what he had needed. It felt good to let himself be held and the feeling that he was cherished warmed him more than the paddling he had taken.

***

Neal’s ass ached, but he was used to that and had even sought it out, what he hadn’t counted on was Jerry getting most of what he wanted and then just leaving after complaining that Neal should be able to let him “push his limits just a bit further” and that Jerry wanted to do more than what they had agreed on, Jerry had assumed that he’d get to feel himself buried to the balls in that “hot little ass” or at least get a little oral and that had never been discussed.

He had grasped Neal’s hair and pulled his head back and told him that he should be a good little boy and just take it and that’s when Neal used his safe word, he was a bit scared and in his mindset after the hours that had built up to this he felt like he was disappointing Jerry but he just couldn’t let this go further. That was the point of the scene negotiations in the first place, to set the boundaries and that should be respected. Jerry had just un-cuffed Neal from the headboard, packed up his toy bag said something along the lines of this was fun we’ll have to do it again some time, I’ll teach you to respect my needs and left.

Neal hadn’t ever had a Dom that didn’t at least try and comfort him afterward, there was a reason for aftercare… the emotional as well as physical needs of both partners mattered. Just leaving him abandoned like that had sent him into an emotional tailspin. He needed the grounding effect of being taken care of after a really hard session, yes, they could reach some really great heights while “playing” but coming back down and getting back into a normal frame of mind took time and Jerry skipped that and left him feeling lost, hurt, and alone.

Neal was really lucky that Peter had that idea about the case or who knows how long it would have taken for him to pull himself together, as it was he had no clue how long it had been from the time Jerry left until Peter had shown up and he didn’t know if Jerry had left for good or if he was coming back since he’d said something about doing it again.

Jerry had left him adrift and vulnerable it felt all wrong, not like when he was with Doms that were trusted friends, the ones that were caring and compassionate. He couldn’t go to them now with his limited ability to travel and he was a bit nervous that Peter would pull his tracking data and see some of the places he would want to go. This part of his life was private and Peter had never even found any hint of it and Neal had been trying to keep it that way… until now, that bird had flown the coop and he was sure that as soon as he was back together Peter was going to bury him in questions and accusations. The thought of Peter knowing started him back on an emotional downward spiral and he started to sob again, he was thinking too much and that was just what he was trying to stop for a little while and it had backfired in a spectacular fashion.

“Hey Neal, I thought we were past this. Relax I have you, just calm down and breathe, you’re safe, you aren’t alone, relax.” Peter whispered and continued to hold him gently as Neal tried to get it back together.

“Sorry Peter, I didn’t want you to have to deal with me like this.” Neal said, Peter could tell there was something still a bit off by Neal’s tone of voice so he didn’t let go.

“Neal, you haven’t done anything wrong. I have you and when you’re ready I’ll let you up. Do you need anything? Water maybe?” Peter asked trying to anticipate what Neal might need. He and El had dabbled a bit but looking over Neal, this was more than the silk scarves and silly Spencer’s toys. Whomever Neal had been with wasn’t just playing around but at least there wasn’t any broken skin or blood to deal with.

“Peter, I could use some water and if you don’t mind touching me there is some Arnica cream in my bag in the bathroom.” Neal said timidly.

“I’ll be right back, I’m not leaving. I’ll get you taken care of just lay here and try to rest.” Peter whispered as he gently slid out from beneath Neal and quickly went across the room for the water. He grabbed a bottle from the mini-bar since it would be easier to handle than the plastic wrapped cups they put in the bathroom, he took a quick side trip to the bathroom and grabbed Neal’s bag and hurried back to his spot on the bed.

“Here you go, just drink that and when you’re ready lay on your stomach and I’ll rub the cream in for you.” he handed Neal the bottle after he opened it and reached over to grab the cream Neal suggested. He read the tube and realized it probably would be handy stuff to add to his first aid kit at home.

Neal looked up at him and put the water on the nightstand and rolled over and let Peter take a good look at his back. Jerry had gone further than he and Neal had agreed, in the end Neal had to use his safe word and still Jerry went a bit further before he stopped. If he had been able to go to one of the clubs it wouldn’t have gotten that far, as soon as Neal had cried “Red” if Jerry hadn’t stopped himself someone would have stopped him, clubs had Dungeon Monitors for the “just in case” times but playing in private left you more vulnerable for things going too far. Neal knew it was risky but he needed it. He was glad that he hadn’t ended up worse off or heaven forbid raped, though Jerry threatened it and Neal wasn’t sure if that was part of the scene or if he really meant it. Jerry had seemed upset that Neal had said no to sex but they hadn’t even discussed that as a possibility.

It was really bad judgment and all his own fault but he was trying to keep his private life private. If nothing else he didn’t have to worry about his activities anymore and Peter seemed to be handling it all right for now or at least he wasn’t freaking out yet.

***

Peter took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. He squeezed a dollop of cream out into his palm and then rubbed his hands together to get it onto both and started working his way from Neal’s back down to his rear, he skipped Neal’s ass for the moment and went to work from his knees up. He was trying to gauge how much discomfort Neal was in. He could tell whoever had paddled Neal had a favorite spot or hadn’t changed up his stokes too well as Neal’s entire ass was so red it was almost glowing, the skin was tight due to swelling and the heat coming off of it was alarming but the bottom of his right cheek was already almost purple with bruising, like that one spot had been pounded on a lot more often the any other place on his body. There were a few places that looked like maybe some other type of implement had used as well, it left lines about an inch thick and the bruising was pretty deep, maybe a cane? Peter thought as he tried to be gentle rubbing the cream in but he could tell by the whimpers and flinches it hurt quite a bit.

Peter finally worked his way to Neal’s ass, he’d left it for last and he tried to be as gentle as possible as he applied the cream.

“Just a little more and it’ll be over. Do you want some Advil or something? It might help…” Peter asked as he thought that a soak in a cool bath might actually be more of what Neal needed at the moment.

“I’m fine Peter, really. I just got a little lost at first. I did let this happen, I even wanted it, I just didn’t expect it to go this far.” Neal said as heard Peter put the cream away, he rolled up onto his side and heard Peter suck in a short breath through his teeth. He saw Peter hand coming towards him and couldn’t figure out what had happened until his fingers stopped just shy of Neal’s nipples.

Neal looked down and saw that they were a bit bruised and still fully erect, he had been so lost in his thoughts of abandonment he’d forgotten that Jerry had put a really harsh and tight set of clamps on him. The pain of his ass and back had pretty much overridden the feeling in his nipples but now that Peter had called attention to them he could help but notice how raw they felt. Peter withdrew his hand and went back for more cream, as he gently applied it Neal moaned and started to get hard and being naked it wasn’t something he could hide.

Neal started blushing and his breathing started getting ragged again. He tried to focus but he was just too far out of emotional balance to get a good hold on himself.

“Neal don’t worry about it. We’re both men and it happens, just let me take care of you and if you want to talk about it later we can, but right now let’s just focus on taking care of you.” Peter said as he blushed and took care of rubbing the cream into Neal’s nipples and chest and then for good measure he rubbed some onto his wrists and took a moment to see if his ankles needed some, the one the monitor was on looked fine but the other one was red and had some mild bruises so he added some cream to that and gently rubbed it in.

“Taking care of me is what got me here in the first place.” Neal sighed.

“Not now Neal, not while you are still open like this, if you need to talk we’ll do it when you are completely here, not partially here and partially in subspace, at least that’s what I think they call it. Just let me take care of you and you concentrate on getting to where you need to be. I’ll get you home, let you sleep and in the morning if you need to say something then by all means, but right now you are too open and emotionally charged. You need regain some control before you need to talk.” Peter said as he finished up and put the cream away again.

“Opening up was a lot of what I was trying to do tonight, I just didn’t have the right person to do it with. I really needed to get a few things out and I needed to feel, not just emotionally I needed it all and I just didn’t get where I needed to go. It’s like I went to the wrong place.” Neal said, his voice getting lower with each word.

Peter notice Neal was starting to ramble a bit and he seemed to be heading back into a bleaker mindset with each word.

“Hey Neal, none of that. I’m here for you. What do you need? Tell me please.” Peter implored. He wondered what kind of sadistic jackass would just leave Neal alone, so vulnerable? Peter was sure that whatever frame of mind Neal was in he was beyond lying. He was wide open and ready to be plundered or taken and someone just walked away leaving him like he wasn’t worth the effort. Peter was feeling enraged but kept a tight lid on it so Neal didn’t notice and think it was directed at him. Right now, what mattered was Neal and taking care of him until he was ready to do it for himself again. 

“I’m not sure what I need, I’ve been so lost for so long now, I just keep doing what I can to keep myself afloat and ahead of the game but sometimes I feel like I’m sinking. Sometimes I want to sink and just let myself go… fade away… give up. It’s so hard trying to keep everything from falling apart and without Kate it’s a lot harder to care what happens. I keep trying to put a brave face on for you, the bureau and Mozzie but I’m not even sure why I bother anymore. What’s here for me?” Neal said mostly to himself even if Peter was right there.

“Neal, look at me. I’m here, Mozzie would be here if you asked him, El would drop everything and rush over. You aren’t alone unless you want to be, Kate might be gone but there are so many of us that are here for you. So, relax and let me take care of you, we’ll get you home and you can sleep and things will look different in the morning. For now, just lay here and I’ll pick up your stuff and get your clothes, then we can get you dressed and back to your own bed. I’m sure you’ll feel better in your own space.” Peter said quietly to Neal as he stroked his hair and tried to get him settled into bed. He pulled the covers up and sat there watching until Neal finally relaxed and closed his eyes and drifted off.

Peter stood up quietly and moved away from the bed, pulled out his cell phone and dialed his wife.

“Honey what’s up?” El answered after checking the caller ID.

“El, something is going on with Neal. I think it’s best I stay with him tonight and make sure he’s fine. He’s had a hard night and he’s just looking so lost. I don’t think leaving him by himself is a wise move at this point.” Peter explained, hoping that El understood.

“You do what you think is best and maybe tomorrow we can all have lunch or something, it’s Saturday and it’s not like we have plans. Take care of him, he needs someone that does.” She sighed. She’d seen what the death of Kate and the past few months had done to Neal. He was just a little less happy and bright, when she’d first met him he was like a sunlit summer day and now he was like a dreary fall afternoon. She was hoping he’d find his way back to who he was meant to be.

“I love you El, no other woman would understand. I’ll see you tomorrow and I’ll take care of him.”

“I love you too, have a good night.” She said and they both hung up.

Peter went back over to Neal and checked to make sure he was sleeping soundly and saw that even in sleep Neal looked like he was on the edge of some huge cliff and on his way over. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his run through Neal’s hair.

“What am I going to do with you?” He asked sure that Neal couldn’t hear.

“Hold me?” Neal said and shifted over a little leaving room for Peter to settle back onto the bed.

Peter thought a moment and pulled Neal into his arms, “Just a little while, then I want to get you home so you can really rest.”

Neal stayed in Peter’s arms for another hour before he felt like he was ready to tackle getting dressed and heading back home. They took it slowly as Peter helped get Neal dressed, presentable and then to the car for the trip back to June’s place.

He pretty much ended up carrying Neal up to his bed, not that Neal wasn’t capable of walking but for some odd reason Peter just felt the need to take on the majority of Neal’s weight as they made their way up the stairs and to Neal’s bed. Peter helped Neal get undressed to his boxers and then herded him into the bathroom and left him there to do his teeth and take care of his nightly before bed routine.

While Neal was in the bathroom Peter grabbed another bottle of water and put it on the nightstand, then he got the arnica cream out and put it next to the water. Neal finished up and limped to the bed.

“Neal? Is there any place else you hurt?” Peter asked noticing the limp.

“No, you got it all covered.” Neal sighed as he climbed into bed.

“I hate to ask, but I didn’t see any condoms or wrappers… did he take them with him? You were safe, right?” Peter asked blushing slightly at the intimate question.

“We didn’t have sex Peter, it was just a scene, he wanted that but we didn’t negotiate it and I wasn’t about to offer on our first and what will be our only time together.” Neal closed his eyes and Peter left for the bathroom.

A few moments later Peter finished up his nightly ritual and stripped down to his boxers.

“Scoot over Neal, it’s your turn to be the little spoon.” Peter whispered softly to Neal and Neal moved over and let him in. Peter put his hand over Neal’s hip and held him.

“Sleep now, we’ll sort it out in the morning.” and Neal drifted off feeling much better than he had just a few hours ago, things were still sore but he felt a bit more grounded than he had in months.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the LJ Collar Kink round 4 - comment page 22
> 
> Prompt - Neal gets involved with a bad Dom, who ignores aftercare. Peter finds him after an intense scene and takes care of Neal himself.
> 
> Started 8/01/2012 finished 10/08/2012
> 
> I may add more to this in the future because it seems like it could use more fill in and Jerry is still out there... I just can't help but poke at things...
> 
> Also... if anyone wants the web address of the site I sort of thought of Neal using let me know in a PM or something...


End file.
